you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
