it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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