I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
