All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
