I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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