he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
