My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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