her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize