Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
