Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
