Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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