He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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