We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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