Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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