This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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