I think my vagina is haunted
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
