Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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