Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
