Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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