I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
