3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
