Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
