i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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