Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's Friday. Sex?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
