If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize