As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
