i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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