I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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