I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is the high leading the old right now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
