He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
