I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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