Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
