We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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