Whod you bang
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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