chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
