Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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