Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
