yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
