So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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