It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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