Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
