When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this will be a night to untag.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
