This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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