Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
