I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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