I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
