We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
