you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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