even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
