If i come over, it means nothing
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
