Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
