YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
