I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
