i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
