FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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