ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
