Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
