Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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