if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
