It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
