Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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