I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
