The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize