My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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