I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
