Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
