Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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