I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
MIDGETS
????
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
