Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
