I cockslap morals
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize