bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize