I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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